Thank you.

Thank you for hurting me again.
For doing things that make me go crazy.
For making me think too much on lonely nights like this.
For allowing me to feel the pain.
For saying that ur sorry, but actually ur not.
For constantly making me look like the fool.
For doing things u think that doesn't matter but it certainly matters to me.
Thank you for making me feel that I am worth nothing.
When I am worth more than you think.

Yes, I admit.
I get emo easily
I get sad occasionally
Even the slightest action of urs affects me.

But yeah, u guys don't see it, or well u don't see it.Duh!

Darn. I am strong yet fragile.
Like a big beautiful vase, but once u drop it.
It'll be broken into pieces.
Putting the pieces back together aint gonna be easy.
So, don't hurt me. or perharps, I should say..
I need to learn to be stronger.
But how strong can one person get or be?

Strong enough to let this matter go?
Strong enough to just ignore this?
Strong enough to forgive?

Yeah, I will in the matter of time.

One fine day..
You will realize or
maybe
I will understand.

5.15am

I am thinking too much..
I can't sleep..
It's already 5.01am and I have class later at 9.30am.
I have no idea what's wrong.
Oh I was doing my assignment earlier, so I didn't really waste time.
Hopefully everything goes on fine.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The days are passing by
I want to catch a glimpse of you passing by
Even just for a few seconds
It would have been great baby
But it is something, my friends would not reckon
Something I shouldn't do,
But I want too
Oh geez, I should stop ranting
Because no matter what you will always have a place here deep down...
At the moment it is still there,
But..I hope..
I hope it'll go away coz in my heart u can't stay..
U know why?
Because someday my knight in shining armor will come
When that day comes, I want it to be entirely for him
Till then, u can stay..

--------------------------------------------------------


My first love, will always be my first love.. :) Thank You for looking past my imperfections and for loving me abundantly. Truly, there is none like You, Jesus..

Terrified by Katharine McPhee

You by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world full wrong you're the thing that's right
Finally made it through the lonely to the other side

You said it again my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark,
And I'm in love and I'm terrified.
For the first time in the last time
In my only life.

This could be good
It's already better than last
And love is worse than knowing
You're holding back
I could be all that you needed
If you let me try

You said it again my hearts in motion
Every word feels like a shooting start
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I'm in love and I'm terrified
For the first time in the last time
in my only

I only said it cause i mean it
I only mean cause it's true
So don't you doubt what i've been dreaming
Cause it fills me up and holds me close
Whenever i'm without you

You said it again my hearts in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I'm in love and I'm terrified
For the first time in the last time
In my only life

.................................................

Love this song :)

If only

If only they know..
If only you know..
I am hurting in the inside.

Bonkers

Research Proposal is making me go BONKERS.

Aishiteru :)

Kimita tuokukitemo, Kiminoi shuaguaratala, Shiniteruyo shiniteruyo..aishiteru..

Lib mode

Listening to : High School Rocker- Bunkface

Currently at the library. Well, I have to constantly remind myself that the reason I am here is to do my assignment. But I am blogging. When will I ever learn to focus? Hopefully this would be one of the last time I HAVE TO STOP PROCRASTINATING. I feel awfully guilty for not doing my assignment. I have started but haven’t completed. I have one assignment in Leadership class. We are required to do an essay about 15- 25 pages, presentation is next week as well. I also have to hand in a proposal next week Monday! Oh ya! Its already Friday today, thus, I have only 3 days to complete my work. I am freaking out, but work still progress. Never know when I will learn my lesson.Planned to go for PC Fair with Juer and Ru but had to cancelled it, feel so bad but I got to put my priorities right. I wish I could go though. Haih.

Got to go then. Wanna work on my assignment.

Your truly, is sick and tired of everything..oh gosh, i sound emo.

Empty

Warning. Emo post coming up. I am just not me anymore. I don’t know what the hell I am doing. I am just lost in this whole thing. I never want to be there. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Am I too tired? Stressed? Or am I just giving up on life. I don’t know. I shouldn’t be emotional like this. It isn’t good for me or the people around me. It’s not that I choose to be this way. Sometimes people depend on me too much, when you guys are going to see that I am imperfect as well. I don’t know how to do things as well. I am clumsy and might not be the perfect to help you out. I will do my best but I can’t guarantee 100% that everything will go on well.

I have never asked anything more or anything less. All I ever wanted is just your friendship. I don’t want to trouble you and be a burden. So, I am sorry if sometimes I don’t want to talk about my problems to you because I don’t want to be judge. I don’t want you to think that I depend too much on you. I don’t want to be seen as a weak person. Sometimes I just don’t have the courage to tell you how I really feel because I am afraid I might hurt you. I don’t want you to feel that I am neglecting you. I am sorry if you feel that way dear friend. I can never be that perfect friend for you but I am happy you are that perfect friend for me.

I would also like to apologize to all my friends, if I ever did anything wrong. I might have said or did something wrong without realizing or sometimes on purpose. I can never please all of you but I hope I can be a better person. I am still learning and I am not perfect. Sorry if I am not good enough to be your friend. I’ll try my best to be a friend but I fail sometimes so what else can I do. I am just feeling empty now.

Meaningless

Not that important anymore in certain people's life.
I was the one who was excited, over reacted, and over did things.
Now, I got to deal and face the consequences.
I got to be strong.
I know I can do it.
I must.

Sleepy Thursday- Classes were just ok. Nothing to brag about.

FINALLY, there is water supply back in college once again. So, now I can have a nice and long shower :) Refreshing indeed. I got to go before there is shortage of water supply, since everyone wants to wash, bathe and do necessary stuff they need to do with the water supply.

Yours truly, got to bathe and wash clothes as well.

Adios then.

A new start?

Tired and Moody
Bad hair day today.
Too many things on my mind, and yeah I hope things will get better.
I miss the times and moments.
Why am I behaving this way?
Paranoid perhaps?
Whatever ever la.

Exam Mode

Poetry Exam. Blah!

I’m so disappointed with myself. Need I say more?

I can never be good enough. My hope of trying to get a better pointer this semester seems to be so vague. I tried so hard I did. Hopefully, I’ll do better for my next paper.

Critical Thinking- 11 November

Well it was so so.. Easy, Average, and Difficult. Confusing at times.

Next paper, Teaching Poetry. But I'm totally worried about my Psychology paper.

3 More papers and I'll taste pure pleasure and freedom.

Deep Inside..

I look back and I see no one was there for me or with me.

I wonder was I walking alone all this while. Or did they just leave?

This lonely soul wanders.

In the midst of loneliness.

I know I am all alone.

Life

Lots of downs these days then ups.

I am slacking, I know I am.

I am at the edge, might just fall off or let go anytime.

I shouldn't be so negative but things that are happening to me doesn't seem to be helping me at all.

I did great/good for my presentation earlier, according to my friends.

Hopefully I will find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Missing the live I used to live as a form 6 student.

If only i could turn back time.

Someone told me that I'm going to be 21 already so I got to be rational and face situations wisely.

Missing Dad N Mum.

Bad Day GOne GooD

I had one of the worst days of my life today.
Terrible headache,
I think I'm not getting enough sleep. But i just dont have enough time, if i sleep early at night.
Anyway, THANK God i only had two classes today.
After class, wanted to go back to college....but....i went for prayer meeting first.
Prayer meeting with Leslie, Vily, and Zhong Weng.
I was kind of suffering so didnt layan them that much, felt kind of bad though.
Sorry guys, my sincere apology.
Well, after prayer meeting i walked back to college all on my own, coz they wanted to grab lunch at the faculty itself.
As i was walking back, passing Language and Linguistics Faculty, a car passed by me, and mystery man was in there. Wah, i was so excited. Gosh, and he waved at me first, then obviously i waved back. That's about it. You guys might think Im crazy, getting excited just because of a wave, but hey! i dont care =) coz me like him! I have tonnes of assignment to do. Got to go!

missing mummy and daddy

TenSiOn + RunSing

omg! one problem to another, why must i be facing this today, of all days in my life! super lame! i have so many assignments yet im caught up in the middle of this. just feeling so frustrated, why did i do to this deserve all this, for the past whole year i have been giving my all for this club then now, u all act like i dont even exist? u know what i dont give a damn already. totally annoyed and i guess i will move on from today onwards. what u want to do, u guys decide, i will concentrate on other college stuff that i am involve in.

I dont care anymore i just dont!

Dont come finding me when u all need me.

Because at that time, I aint helping!

U guys are playing with my emotions.

Stop talking behind my back as well, because i know u are. Go find some other topics or just go and studylah if u have all the time in the world. Like the peribahasa jangan jaga tepi kain orang...

I may look vurnerable but i am strong, i went to many hardships in life to stop what i am doing now.

I aint quitting if u think i am.

WELL, although i am EMO~ing right now, i still feel so disappointed.

Oh GOSH! cant wait for year end sem break! Well, at least the raya holidays...

MIssIN yOu

i miss you
i really do
im hoping u would forgive me
its not like it was entirely my fault
u started this whole drama
u made me become this way
u are the one who hurt me first
but i dont care anymore
i hope we would forget the past and move on
all because i have move on and forgiven u
its was difficult at first but its a new day everyday
i hope things would be different
i miss the old me, and i miss the old you
but time changes all things? do they? or people changes through time?
im not sure, but you are no longer the old you, and i am no longer the old me
maybe i have come to a point of realization,
whereby, i have to realise what is important for my life..
whatever it is, u are still important for me..
and yeah i do care bout you..
although i dont show it that much
but trust me, deep down
it hurts me to see u sad and not having the joy u use to have
dear friend, i dedicate this to you..
wanting u to know that i miss you
and enough is enough.
forgive me would you?

Hangover Perharps?

Hangover?

Nope not all. I’m sober, people.

I just felt like talking about people who drinks.
Drinks alcohol obviously .
I have nothing against them, seriously, because I drink as well occasionally,

during functions and all.
I don’t find drinking alcohol wrong at all except when you consume EXCESSIVE amount and when you are ADDICTED to it.

Well, then I think it’s WRONG.

There are BENEFITS if u consumes alcohol in SMALL quantities:

- It decreases the risk of cardiovascular problems

-Decreases the possibility of lethal heart attack

-Sometimes, alcohol reduces the possibility of ischemic or other kind of strokes

- Diminishes the possibility of gallstone

- It may reduce the diabetes danger

In LARGE quantities, or in excess, the consequences may be TERRIBLE:

- The pancreas, the mouth, pharynx, breast and liver are more likely to be affected by cancer
- Pancreatitis may appear, especially in youth
- Stroke
- Atrophy of the brain
- Cirrhosis
- Pregnancy problems, like spontaneous abortion
- Possible malformations and other birth problems of the fetus
- Car accidents
- Suicidal tendencies
- Sudden death in case of cardiovascular problems and so on.


your brains if you have too much alcohol


your liver will actually look like a beef patty

Every part of your body is effected

Well if you still dont bother about this, then most importantly.

THINK about your LOVED ONES.

information courtesy of (http://www.isnare.com/?aid=128078&ca=Food+and+Drinks)

im feeling the pain of your torment cutting through my heart..

why must i be the one to bare it all

im confused

stop hurting me

im gonna give up soon..

i really am..

if you love me, then why do u constantly hurt me?

i dont understand

i really dont

Your Call, Secondhand Serenade

Waiting for your,
Call I'm sick,
Call I'm angry,
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat,
Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
I was born to tell you
I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
Stripped and polished,
I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes,
What's your fantasy? (What's your, what's your...)
I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
And I'm tired of being all alone,
And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home[4X]
I was born to tell you
I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
Cuz I was born to tell you
I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Disappointed.
That is how I feel right now.
Why does life have to be filled with disappointment when I think I am getting back on track and think that everything is already going to be ok. But everything just go down the drain again.
Everything seemed to be worthless and I am feeling so down.
I have so many things on my mind.
My studies. – Finals is less than a month
My Family. – My longing to be back home
My Friends. – Trying to be a good friend
My Activities – Trying to juggle between this and studies
My Time – Time is precious
Sometimes I wish I am not caught between this drama.
But life has to go on.
Just have to put my trust in Him.